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Kate Burns, LMFT
PSYCHOTHERAPIST • MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPIST
Relationships - Parents
Relationships - Articles
Relationships - Domestic Violence
Hold Me Tight
by Susan Johnson, Ph.D.
See also: http://www.holdmetight.com
You and your partner will find terrific information on how to talk to each other in ways that will not only avoid hurtful, angry, blaming, and destructive patterns, byt will also build intimacy and trust. Words matter because of what they mean. In this book, Johnson structures the material by using seven kinds of conversations couples can have to both increase trust and strengthen their bond.
The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
See also: http://www.harrietlerner.com
Her book is a must for couples. I recommend it regularly to clients. Goodreads reviews it as "her most affirming and life changing book." See Goodreads' full review under Articles.
Tell Me No Lies
by Ellyn Bader, Ph.D and Peter T. Pearson, Ph.D.
A husband and wife team present ways in which both white lies and big lies (at each stage of a relationship) can derail it. The best is how telling hte truth can bring about a healthier, more thrilling and trusting relationship.
Letting Go of Anger: The Eleven Most Common Anger Styles and What To Do About Them
by Ronald Potter-Efron and Patricia Potter-Efron
These family therapists descibe different styles of expressing anger, and offer sound advice on how to express it constructively. Understanding something (negative expressions from anger) doesn't necessarily mean you can change it, but in this book, they offer step-by-step guidance on how to do it differently.
For Parents
Emotion Coaching: The Heart of Parenting
by John Gottman, Ph.D.
For other parenting resources as well as those on relationships and families, please visit www.gottman.com.
To read about his research on parenting, look under Articles or go to www.gottman.com/parenting.
The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart
by Constance Ahrons
Parents, do you say, "the kids are my top proority?" If yes, you'll want to read this. It explains what you can do to help your children through it and how to protect them from the harmful effects that children of divorce can suffer. On her website you will also fined We Are Still A Family.
Books
Articles
The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner
[A Goodreads Review]
This Emotional Life
[PBS Article]
Excellent, evidence-based, and simply stated truths abotu the value of true intimacy in primary relationships including why we want and need them.
Dr. Gottman on Communication Between Men and Women
This article, by one of the most respected relationship therapist and reseachers, is just a tidbit compared to the depth and breadth of Dr. Gottman's knowlede of the field.
A Brief Guide to Recovering From an Affair: Personal and Marriage Recovery by Peggy Vaughn
[Dear Peggy]
Peggy informs and asks thought provoking questions for each party and, making the distinction between recovering and simply staying together. She lists the steps that many relationship therapists recommend as guides to recovery. Note: There is a disagreement among relationship therapists regarding whether the offending party should answer all the questions asked by the injured spouse. A professional may be able to help you with your specific situation - as no relationship is exactly like another.
Parents by The Gottman Institute
I find his work to be the best. Definitely read about the hopeful outcomes research he's conducted on parenting and children, and the sound advice for parents that come from his findings. As they say, he's the best and one of the most respected relationship thereapists and researches on relationships and children.
YouTube
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in Action
This is great video for couples although its target audience is therapists. Sue Johnson helps a couple learn to connect in a way that's meaningful and supportive; getting to the heart of the matter, versus continuing their "going nowhere" pattern of blaming, reacting, and blowing up.
Is Texting Helping or Hurting Your Important Relationships?
An interview with Dr. Ali Karam, Ph. D., a fellow Marriage and Family Therapist. Dr. Karam puts texting in the context of today's technology revolution and talks about when it's helpful to a relationship and when it's not.
Parents - John and Julie Gottman
A sensible and interesting interview about the value of educating children through our interactions with them. They are clear on stating simply what you can do to raise (starting early or not) a helathy, well-adjusted and emotionally intelligent child - one who has the tools with which he can understand and express himself and form healthy relationships.
Other Links
There are two links below for those who may be in relationships with physically or emotionally abusive mates. It's more than about leaving the relationship.
Information & Guide
New York State Office of Prevention of Domestic Violence
Marital • Parental • Family • Domestic Violence
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